too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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