I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
