We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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