I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
