Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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