using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fuck appropriateness.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
