Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
