I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize