Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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