I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
