Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
