i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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