You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize