I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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