yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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