Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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