Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize