how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
