Sober January is a disaster.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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