Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize