Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can you bring me the toilet please
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
