did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
