You can't motorboat a personality
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
