I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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