is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
