Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
