so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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