u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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