that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
