things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
