babies were throwing up all over the place
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize