3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
where does the pee come out of this thing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
