Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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