remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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