I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You're like the curious george of whores
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
