You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
