fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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