My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
