the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
