accomplished twins. life is a go
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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