oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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