Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
