Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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