So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
