I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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