I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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