official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
