Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
