i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
