Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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