why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize