No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i barfeds in our rink
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
third nipple confirmed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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