omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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