Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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