no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
