I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
