totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
