College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
