So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
