I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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