I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize