Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
