so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize