I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
