i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had sex on a roof
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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