she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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