Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize