I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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