if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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