This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
