I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
