why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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