in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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