I'll bet she douches with gravy.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
barbara walters just said penis...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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