I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
