That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
