Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
