Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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