OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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