My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
