so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
