I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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