I could have mohawked her pubes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
