I haven't been this sober since birth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
