p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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