I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
