I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i barfeds in our rink
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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