One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
