I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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