my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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