It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
