its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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