I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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