Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
