Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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