omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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