Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
